Oh Thanksgiving, an all-American parade of bizarre rituals built on a shaky moral foundation. There’s just so much to talk about! As the intersection of old world lore, messy mixed families, raging consumerism, big time sports, and faith, it’s the most uniquely American 48 hours. And don’t get me wrong – I totally dig it.
But for the post-college crowd, returning home for the holidays brings another tradition that we’re not so psyched about: loss of independence. Ironically, this uniquely American holiday unleashes some very un-American values – sacrificing one person for the whole, deference to elders, censorship, etc. Ok, maybe just American values of another time – or the ones we don’t trot out on 4th of July.
Coming home for Thanksgiving means not being in control for a few days. Back with our families, we’re just one of the group – and we’re definitely not the decision-makers. We’ve got to go along with the family agenda if we want to avoid the dreaded holiday scene making. It’s expected – and it’s just easier.
So, we all do our assigned task in the prep work (like a good little assembly line). At the dinner table we gloss over our lives with family-friendly veneers (to keep the extended relatives out of our hair) or bite our tongue when the “real” adults start talking politics in a way we don’t agree with. And then we end up at family movies that no one really wants to see (except Mom).
But where I really notice my suspension of selfishness is when it comes to the god stuff. My family happens to be very religious – and I’m not at all. The jig is up – everyone knows I’m a non-believer and basically live my life in exact opposition to their world view. But come holiday time, it just seems wrong to go against the family religious beliefs. It’s time to play along. So I obediently dress up and come along to church and sing our family’s traditional grace at the table. If I had it my way, I would go nowhere near the Thanksgiving church service, and I would save the musical grace tradition for only the family members with decent singing voices. But for the days surrounding Thanksgiving, it’s just not up to me.
So maybe it’s not just the weird family dynamics and traditions that can make these holidays feel so different than every day life. We’re playing a whole different role at Thanksgiving – the dutiful supporting member of the group.
But hey, I guess we have every other day of the year to be totally selfish – at least for another few years. And that is something I’m very thankful for.
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